say my name (never let me go)
by applecoral
Summary: Rey needs to sort out her relationship with her fuck-buddy Ben.


The party is already in full swing by the time Rey gets there. But it's technically not her fault. It's Finn's.

He was supposed to meet her at the library so they could finish their project, but instead he got distracted by videos of cats playing with lasers. He ended up being an hour late, which is why they're now late for Poe's party.

Her first thought is to find Ben, but just as quickly dismisses that idea from her mind. Because technically, everyone thinks they hate each other.

It started that way, but the arguing and fighting eventually transformed into fucking and fighting, leading to their current relationship. Which she thinks doesn't necessarily need to be labeled. That's one part of the reason why they haven't officially announced it to their friends. The other reason is that she just doesn't want to hear Finn and Poe's _I told you so_. She's not willing to give them the satisfaction, for them to know that they were right when they said she and Ben were just secretly attracted to each other and should just have sex to get it over with.

Her hand absentmindedly goes to her collarbone, fingers lightly stroking the skin. Hidden underneath her shirt is a carefully placed hickey from Ben. She takes comfort in the fact that only they know it's there, and that he sports a matching one underneath his shirt. She knows that there are also several more scattered across his pale chest, like stars in a galaxy. And _she's_ the one who put them there. The thought gives her a warm sense of pride and satisfaction.

"Rey?" Finn's hand appears waving in front of her face, breaking her out of her thoughts.

"What?" Her hand drops back down to her side.

"I asked, did you want to go find Poe?" He's staring at her, a quizzical look in his eyes.

"Uh, you go ahead, I'm going to get a drink first." She offers a calming smile.

"Be safe." He bumps his fist against hers, and disappears into the crowd. As soon as he's gone, she takes out her phone and sends a text to Ben.

 _Rey: u here?_

She stares at the glowing screen, willing it to pop up with a notification, but no such luck. (Whatever. It's not like she's disappointed or anything.)

She tucks her phone into her pocket and goes into the kitchen. There are several plates with half eaten food and red cups scattered around the place and she already feels bad for Poe when he'll have to clean everything up. She grabs a soda can from the fridge, opening it to take a sip before casually leaning against the counter. She checks her phone again. Still no response. She pushes down the disappointment rising in her chest with another forceful swallow of her soda.

Rey wanders into the living room, eyes scanning the partygoers for that familiar messy head of hair that she's had between her legs several times. He's six foot three, how hard can it be to find him?

Her eyes narrow when she notices Ben, leaning against the fireplace and sipping from a red cup, looking infuriatingly attractive in a black t-shirt and fitted jeans. He's smiling as he talks to a girl with wavy hair that cascades down her back like a waterfall. She's got a curl wrapped around her finger as she giggles at something he says. There's an uncomfortable twist in Rey's chest but she ignores it, tearing her eyes away.

"Hey, there you are!" Finn's smiling face greets her. "I found Poe."

The older man has an arm slung over Finn's shoulders and is grinning at her.

"Took you kids long enough." He takes a sip from his cup. His grin slowly fades at Rey's scowling expression. "What's wrong?"

"What?" Her eyes briefly flicker to Ben and the girl, Dorothy or Debbie or whatever her name is. Rey doesn't really care. "Nothing, I'm fine."

Unfortunately, he turns around to see what Rey was looking at. "What, Ben? Oh my god, are you going to fight him? Please don't."

"He's probably too busy flirting with Daisy." Finn adds. Sometime about that statement makes Rey want to slam her fist into a wall.

"I'm not- I don't- Nothing." Rey tries to come up with a suitable explanation but only stumbles through her words. She lets her eyes skim over Ben once more before turning back to Finn and Poe.

* * *

The whole time they talk, she can't help but watch Ben. On the outside, she's perfectly neutral, but inside, she's seething with anger. There's a burning sensation that threatens to crawl its way up her throat every time she catches sight of Ben talking to _Daisy_. She's still not sure if he's noticed her.

The first time he stretches, arm over his head and biceps looking impossibly large, she doesn't think anything of it. (Other than the fact that she wants those arms to hold her down while he has mind-blowing sex with her.) But after he does it a second, then a third time, she knows he's just showing off. Either to her, or to Daisy, who's batting her eyelashes at him. Jealousy burns in the pit of her stomach, and her hand curls into a tight fist. She's gripping her soda can so hard that it ends up crushed in her grasp. There's a small voice in the back of her head screaming _mine mine minemineminemineminemine._

Growing up as an orphan has taught her that if she finds something she likes, she has to fight for it no matter what. And Rey's never liked to share.

She sets the dented can down, and excuses herself from Finn and Poe, who are too absorbed in their own conversation to notice her leave. With a determined look in her eyes, she confidently walks over to Ben, whose face briefly betrays surprise, although he quickly schools his features back into an uninterested state.

"Solo. I need to talk to you."

"I'm busy, Kenobi."

"I don't care." She grabs his arm and starts to drag him away, ignoring the protests of Daisy behind them. He sighs heavily, pretending to be annoyed as she pulls him into the cramped hall closet.

He lets out a small grunt as she slams him up against the wall, lips colliding with his. Her hands curl into the collar of his shirt. She kisses him like she's drowning and he's the only source of air she has.

Eventually, she pulls away from his lips, only to move onto his neck, harshly sucking a bruise on the underside of his jaw. His head tilts back with a moan, which only encourages her.

" _Rey._ " His voice is a breathy whisper.

"You're mine." She emphasizes with a small nibble to his ear. "Only mine."

"Wait." Realization dawns upon him and he tears her away from his neck, arms on her shoulders. Her hands drift down to her sides. "Are you jealous?"

"What are you talking about?" She rolls her eyes. (Even though she is, she's not gonna give him the satisfaction.)

"Come on, you're never _this_ affectionate. Not in public and especially not on places people can see." He smirks, waving a hand towards his neck, where a sizeable hickey has formed. Pride swells in her chest at the sight, but she's at a loss for words to explain her feelings.

"I-I-I was just..." Rey stammers.

"Rey."

"Maybe I was...a little bit jealous." She trails off.

"I'm sorry, what?" He leans in, eyes bright with amusement.

Her face starts to heat up, and she looks away from him. His hand lightly grips her chin, making her look right at him. His eyes burn into hers, causing her to shift uncomfortably.

"I was jealous." She mumbles.

"Of what?"

"You flirting with Daisy."

Seconds pass, and he doesn't say anything, only stares at her. She shifts uncomfortably under his intense gaze.

"You were the one who didn't want to label this." He says, letting go of her chin to cross his arms over his chest.

"And I thought I would've been okay with that. But seeing you flirting with her..." She trails off, avoiding his gaze and instead examining the confined closet they're in. There's a particularly interesting broomstick in the corner that she focuses on.

"Fuck, Rey." He lets out a shaky breath, running his hand through his hair. She resists the urge to reach out and run her fingers through his soft hair. "That's not- that's not fair. You can't just say you don't want us to be exclusive, and then get jealous when I talk to other girls."

"I know." She says quietly.

"You said you didn't do boyfriends." Betrayal and hurt is clear across his features.

"Because I've fucked up every relationship I've ever been in, okay! I was scared!" She can feel tears springing to the corners of her eyes that she desperately wills not to fall.

"And you think I'm not? Jesus, Rey, you have no idea how I feel about you!" His hand curls into a tight fist.

"Yeah, I don't! Because this wasn't supposed to be about feelings or anything, we were just supposed to be friends who have sex with each other!" Even as she says it, she knows that she doesn't really mean it.

"Then what do you want?" He asks. His voice is cold and it leaves a bitter feeling in her stomach.

"I..." She hesitates, three simple words flashing through her mind. It's on the tip of her tongue, but she can't force it out. Her heart is pounding in her chest and she's sure he can hear it in the confined closet they're in. "I don't know."

"Fine." He says quietly. "Then why don't you find me when you finally figure out what you really want."

He storms out of the closet, leaving Rey alone with only regret clouding her mind.

* * *

It seems like ages before Rey finally leaves the closet. She was most definitely _not_ crying, and it was most definitely _not_ because of Ben Solo. (At least, that's what she keeps telling herself.)

The party is still going on, drunk and sweaty bodies bumping into her as she forcefully pushes her way into the kitchen. It's still the same mess from before, but she doesn't have the capacity to care. The only thing running through her mind is that _she fucked up._ And she just needs some alcohol to get rid of that sickly feeling clouding her mind.

Rey takes the nearest empty shot glass, and does three shots of vodka in succession. She relishes the burning sensation that slides down her throat and turns into a warmness in her belly. (In hindsight, doing shots wasn't the best idea but how else is she going to ignore her problems?)

She takes a can of beer from the fridge, drinking nearly the entire can and goes off to find Finn. She finds him sitting on the stairs with Poe and Jessika, laughing about something.

"Hey guys." She's feeling a bit tipsy already, and sits on the step next to Jess.

"Whoa, Rey, are you okay?" Finn asks, a hand on her shoulder to steady her.

"Fine, fine." She slurs. She finishes the rest of her beer.

"You don't smell fine. How much did you drink?" Jess leans in and smells Rey.

"Just had some vodka."

"Rey. Does this have anything to do with you dragging Ben off somewhere earlier?" Poe gives her a knowing look, and she suddenly feels suffocated under his gaze. The mention of his name brings a weird feeling to her chest, and she knows what she has to do.

"No." She gets up, holding onto the banister for support. "I'll be back, I just...have to do something."

Her friends watch her with concerned looks as she walks off with a stumble in her step.

Rey goes back into the living room, eyes once again looking for Ben. This time, he's sitting on the couch, face illuminated by the screen of his phone that he's staring so intently at. She determinedly marches over, stopping in front of him. He pauses, looking up at her.

"Yes?" He asks in a tired tone, and it most definitely makes her feel hurt. It makes her think that he's already done with her, and she's not entirely ready to let go.

She takes a deep breath, knowing that this can only go two ways; it works out or it doesn't. There's also the added bonus of the alcohol fueling her courage, enabling her to say the words she couldn't earlier.

"I'm sorry for what I said before. I know what I said about the whole relationship thing, and the truth is...I'm terrified of getting hurt and I didn't want to do that to myself again. I couldn't. I know this was just supposed to be a 'friends with benefits' type of relationship. I know this wasn't supposed to mean anything." The words are just coming out, slipping off of her tongue. "Fuck, I think I...I think I like you as more than a friend."

He just stares at her, wide eyed and mouth slightly open with shock.

"I think I know what I want now, it's you." She looks him in the eyes as she says this, so he'll know she's serious. Part of her can't believe she's just confessed to him, but the other part of her is glad that she was able to express her feelings in some form other than sex.

Ben stands up, and she almost steps back, but instead stands her ground, not willing to back down or be intimidated by his size.

He tangles his fingers in her hair and tugs her up to meet his lips in a passionate kiss. She's briefly surprised, but quickly recovers and slips her arms around his neck, pushing up on her toes.

It feels different this time, less frantic and desperate kissing, instead more slow and emotional kissing.

Rey decides that's the kind of way she wants to kiss him from now on.


End file.
